In 2020, many dancers had to grieve their dancing career and hopes for competing as the first of the competitions were announced as cancelled. First, dancers with their sights set on the World Championships, then shortly after, the North American Nationals. No dancer was unaffected; local feiseanna were cancelled left and right for many months with no online competition options available for over a year within CLRG.
A wave of grief surged through our community as we were left without in-person classes or competitions to work towards. Some dancers felt extra pressure as they had planned for a now-cancelled competition to be their last before they moved on and considered themselves retired. They lost out on a sense of closure or a “last hurrah”. Others struggled to maintain their mental and physical health without the outlet of dance classes for their fitness and social benefit, especially amidst the chaos and uncertainty of the world.
Here we are, nearly two years later, with the All Irelands cancelled again, and a World Championships scheduled, though we understand it’s likely to look far different from the celebratory 50th anniversary we envisioned two years ago. Dancers are still dealing on and off with restrictions on in-person classes and cancelled or restricted feiseanna. Some dancers are planning for Worlds or the North American Nationals to be their last competition – and they have held on, waiting for that last time on the stage. Some have not been able to stick around, having the pulls of other life events take them away from dancing as though by force. Outwaiting a pandemic has proven lengthy.
I made the decision a few weeks ago to not attend the World Championships in Belfast this April. As hard of a decision as it was to make, I felt only relief after making that choice. Relief that I have more time to prepare my body before expecting it to make it through another major, that my finances can be prioritised for other things in my family’s lives this year, and that the health risk of overseas travel for a family of four is no longer a concern. I carried all those burdens, and others, on my shoulders the past few months as I looked to Belfast. I looked to normalcy, the advancement of vaccines for kids under 5 years of age, to a live in-person performance of An Re Orga, to the gathering of dance friends.
In some ways, I think I wasn’t previously ready to admit to myself that my desire to hang onto a qualification from 2019 was more of a hanging-on and desire to return elite immediately after having C, and less of a good or worthy pursuit. That’s not to say the Worlds aren’t worthy – they are – but attending isn’t always what’s best for a dancer. Or in my case, also for the dancer’s family.
Sometimes, as much as we look forward to something, we have to decide to spend our energy somewhere else. Right now, my body needs more time, my family needs my time, and our money frankly should not support a week-long trek across the pond for all of us. It’s not giving up or giving in – it’s giving where we are needed. It’s okay that my dancing return isn’t some crazy and impactful rise to the Top, I hope to be here for the long haul. And I’m also very okay with changing course if that’s what my life brings. I’m willing to pivot.
Wherever you’re at with your dance journey, I hope you can find peace. Maybe that peace is in deciding to retire, maybe it’s with your body and its slowness to change. It could be your realization of needing to step back and focus on your education, relationships, or having kids. Some of you may need to fundamentally rethink your relationship with dance and how it fits into your life, or how to best take care of your body without overdoing it. Peace for you may even mean being willing to progress at a slower pace than you have wanted to accept. I can surely relate.
I hope that you continue to journey with me as my sights change from Worlds to whatever lies ahead. Join me, as I make peace with the path I’m on and find relief in exhaling away the expectations of “what to do” in the fast-paced world of Irish Dance.
Stay tuned for the Ace & Deuce of Mothering column every month.
