You’re doing Worlds?”
His words stung. I couldn’t believe the doubt and shock that seemed to be coming from my dad’s mouth.
“Umm…yes? Why wouldn’t I?” I half-laughed. I tried to keep his question from shaking my confidence. “I did it before, why wouldn’t I do it again?”
My dad called me just before I was due to give birth to my second daughter, C, this March. I was telling him about our family’s plans to go to Belfast next spring so that I could compete in the 2022 World Irish Dance Championships – the one I qualified for in 2019 but never got to attend because of COVID. I had to fight myself hard to not be rattled by his question.
C’s birth marked the beginning of the second time I’d be recovering from having a baby with plans to return to competitive Irish dance. My oldest, L, was born in April 2018 and I was back to dancing and competing by the autumn. The road of recovering while navigating first-time motherhood, a different and heavier body, and a nutritional awareness I’d not previously needed, was not easy. It would be more than a year before I’d feel like “myself” again, and almost two before I was back at a level I was satisfied with.
Returning to competing after becoming a mother was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. There was plenty of trial and error. Sadly, few resources exist on how to be a breastfeeding athlete or dancer. Even the “trainers” I know had little to no advice. The first year of training was a bit haphazard and rough, with plenty of pain and limitations. I’ve since been on a journey of learning that will only continue as I jump back in again. I’ve never stopped looking up information, and subsequently trying to retrofit the advice for a nursing mother. My efforts paid off last time and I have no reason to believe they won’t pay off again. I am 30 now and a mom twice over, and I am still capable.
I genuinely don’t know how people have a baby without some kind of other “thing” to pour their energy into after. Not only did returning to training for competitions help me get in shape physically, it was good for me emotionally. It was good for me creatively. Having an endeavor to focus on helped me to not lose my personal identity the way so many women struggle with after becoming a mother. I had to try things I’d never tried before, including getting a gym membership. But going to the gym to train meant I got some time to myself and could better show up for my husband and daughter the rest of the time.
“Being a mom doesn’t detract from who I am as a person, dancer, and athlete.”
If I’m being honest, there was a sense of “I’m going to do this because I want to prove that motherhood isn’t the end of a good Irish dance career.” Which, also if I’m honest, I think is a completely reasonable thought and motivation to have. This second time, my will to prove is even greater – to the world of Irish dance, but also to myself. My uphill battle to return to dancing is also greater, but there is no doubt in my mind I can get back to belonging with the best of ‘em. After all I know my place at the World Championships, whenever it happens next, is deserved – I earned my spot.
By the end of the conversation with my dad, he realized how serious I was about returning to Irish dancing and the amount of determination I had, and his usual sense of supportiveness returned. I think he just assumed by default, as so many do, that there is a point at which women no longer pursue the things they did and loved before. Or that now with two young kids, I would put my personal endeavors aside for their sake. But being a mom doesn’t detract from who I am as a person, dancer, and athlete. In my experience, I’m actually a better person for my family when I’m involved in Irish dancing.
Over the coming months, I’ll be sharing more about what life looks like from the perspective of a postpartum mom and elite artistic athlete in the world of competitive Irish dance. I hope you join me on this journey of motherhood and training as I make my second return to dancing.
Stay tuned for The Ace & Deuce of Mothering column every month.
