How Transgender Dancers Are Reclaiming Their Space in Irish Dancing

Taken from Issue 001 of The Irish Dance Globe. Purchase any remaining copies here while stocks last.

Irish dancing has always had a significant separation between genders with very strict guidelines and rules in place that dictate different choreography for girls and boys, women and men. This highly gendered choreography and presentation is displayed throughout Irish dancing classes and competitions, social Irish dancing, and also in commercial settings. Many of us have been taught choreography from a very young age that corresponds with our gender presumed at birth. So, what is the experience like for those of us whose gender identity differs to that?

I am a trans masculine person who, in 2018, became the first openly transgender person to compete in CLRG Irish dancing competitions in Australia. I sat down with WIDA (World Irish Dance Association) dancer Sil Cleary, who recently became the first openly non-binary person to win a major competition, to discuss our experiences of being gender non-conforming within the world of Irish dancing.

Hayden: Thanks for agreeing to have a chat with me today. I wanted us to talk about our experiences as trans people in Irish dancing. What was it like for you coming out as non-binary in your organisation? 

Sil: I was in a different school when I came out but I didn’t feel comfortable, so I ended up leaving that school. I joined Inishfree Academy in December of last year. The first thing I said to the teacher was, “Just so you know, I am non-binary, is that going to be a problem?” And she said, “Not at all! It’s all about the dancing here.” And I was like, “That sounds great.” I was still skeptical, to be honest, because I hadn’t had the best experience before that but I was very excited too. 

H: Yes, of course. I went through a similar experience. 

S: We have that in common. 

H: Similar to you, my first school wasn’t accepting. And then the next school I went to was accepting and I danced as a Senior Man for the first time. I also consider myself not a binary gender, I’m trans masculine, but, you know, I do have that privilege of being masculine, so I feel comfortable dancing as a man. But I wasn’t on testosterone yet when I first competed and I was quite early in my transition, so I didn’t read as a man to most of the people around me. I got a lot of curious stares. Most of them weren’t rude, it was just kind of like people trying to figure out why I was different, and whether I was a man or a woman. Was your experience similar at your first competition?

 S: Very, I remember showing up at a local feis having ditched my solo dress, wearing pants and all black. A few comments were made that upset me throughout the day like, “You could have won if it wasn’t for those pants.” But to my surprise, lots of people came up to compliment my look too. I received more encouragement and positive comments than negative, so that was unexpected and refreshing!

H: That’s wonderful! And how did people respond to you being non-binary?

S: Well, at that point I had come out to my friends so I think it was common knowledge to those who knew me. But at competitions, I was getting stared at a bit more than usual. Before my transition, people used to stare at me because I’m covered in tattoos and piercings, and I have purple hair. So, you know, that’s a bit uncommon in Irish dancing! But after seeing me around for a while, people did get over that really quickly. Whereas with my gender identity, I feel like the stares are still happening and they also feel a bit different.

H: Oh yeah. I get stares too. Constantly. And did you notice your dancing improved when you affirmed your gender? 

S: 100 per cent! Before I figured out I was non-binary, I wasn’t myself. I didn’t know how much of me I was hiding. It’s like you’re putting so much effort into thinking about things that make you dysphoric instead of dancing. The moment that you realise that and you start your transition, you start feeling more like yourself, and everything gets much better. I’m dancing so much better than I’ve ever done before. Why is that? Because I’m my real self now, on and off the stage. And I’m sure you have the same thing.

H: Absolutely. Before I transitioned, I was coming, like, dead last at all my competitions. But then I transitioned and I wasn’t hiding who I was on stage anymore. Now I can dance as myself and I can fly across that stage, and I can focus on my steps. My dancing has improved, and how much I enjoy it has too. I’m dancing as my authentic self now, so of course I’ve improved. 

S: I love that! It’s hard to explain to people who haven’t gone through it, though.

H: Yeah, totally. You mentioned that people often come up to you at competitions with positive comments. What are some of the things people have said that have been supportive? 

S: I’ve had parents and other dancers come up to me and say that they love that there’s somebody out there like me. Some, because their kid is non-binary and now they see me on stage and they feel like they can actually dance as their real self. And I’m like, “Oh, wow!” Whether I want it or not, being out and proud dancing as myself is actually inspiring to other people. That’s still baffling to me. I’m not doing anything special, I’m just being me!

H: Yes, I get these comments too and I think that’s one of my favourite things about being in the public eye as a trans person and as a trans Irish dancer. Especially when I’m getting awful messages online from transphobes, and I start to feel down, I just think about the messages I’ve received from young trans dancers or the parents of young trans dancers, who say, “My kid felt that there wasn’t a place for them in Irish dancing, and they were going to quit, but then we found you and you’ve really inspired them.” Another person messaged me recently who said, “I wanted to start Irish dancing, but I’m trans and I didn’t think there’d be anyone like me. So I googled ‘trans Irish dancer’, and I saw you and you’ve been such an inspiration.”

S: Oh my god, yes! This is so weird, but also amazing. I had an interaction recently where I went to another organisation’s Worlds. Within a few minutes of being there, a parent approached me like, “Hi, Sil! You don’t know me, but, um, my child, they haven’t been able to sleep tonight because they knew you were going to be here. They’ve been a huge fan of yours for so long.” And I was thinking, “What? I have a fan?” And they came over to take a photo with me. This dancer posted the photo on their Instagram with a caption like, “I met Sil today, such an inspiration and wish them all the best tomorrow.” Those moments are priceless.

H: For sure, and to have that realisation that just by being out here, living our lives and being happy as trans people, and dancing as ourselves, just by doing that we’re inspiring others. That is such an important thing. 

S: I completely agree. It kind of makes you think, in a perfect utopian world, this wouldn’t happen. I would be just one more dancer, right? Hopefully at some point, nobody will bat an eye at seeing a trans dancer on stage, or somebody that looks different to them. I’m just dancing for the love of dancing. That’s what matters and that’s how it should be. My hope is that just by us being ourselves maybe we can inspire others to be and express themselves freely, too. 

H: Totally. Representation is so important. 

S: I know there’s more that goes on and unfortunately, in reality, discrimination might happen in many scenarios. We’ve both been to schools that were not accepting of our identities. But there are other spaces that will accept you. Just because your current school is not accepting of your identity, don’t give up. Keep looking. 

H: Very well said, because when I had to leave my first school, I thought I would never Irish dance again. I thought that no one would ever accept me, but I’ve found schools. The school that I’m at now is so beautiful and so welcoming. When I told them I was getting top surgery, they were so supportive and excited for me. I was nervous to tell my teacher because of what I’ve been through, but she just responded and was like, “This is so wonderful to hear, how exciting!” It was amazing to have a teacher in Irish dancing who supports my gender affirmation.

S: I had a similar situation. I had my gender affirming surgery in February and I had joined my school just over a month before then. Our Worlds are in April and I needed new dances. I asked my teacher if I could get all my dances early because I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to do much after surgery. She was very accommodating and I had most of my dances by the time I had surgery, thankfully. 

A couple of weeks after the surgery, I actually went to class for céilí practice. I didn’t dance, though, I was just walking so there wouldn’t be a ghost dancing in my space. But I was happy just to be there. And everybody else was happy that I was there, too, you know? Even if I wasn’t able to move my arms past my elbows! It was a very affirming moment. 

H: Yeah. It’s so wonderful that both of us have had those positive experiences. Lastly, I want to ask about your experience of winning an All Ireland title as a non-binary person, because that is really huge. 

S: Well, at this year’s Worlds, I made a mistake in the traditional set round — we do four different rounds in WIDA — and that mistake cost me a top three placement. It was my first Worlds as a trans non-binary person. I actually competed with the surgical binders and everything because I was still recovering from surgery. I was very aware of my existence, and I got nervous and made a mistake I’d never made before. I was so upset by it and had been wanting redemption from it for a while. 

In the Open Championship at the All Irelands, I actually also made a mistake in the trad set round. Again! Which cost me a top three placement, again! You can imagine how I was feeling, I was so done. But my teacher had also entered me in the Trad Set Championship, which is three rounds, at the last minute. The Open Championship results came first and after that, I was ready to go home, I was almost crying and so upset. And then my teacher’s like, “You can’t go, we have the Trad Set Championship results.” I remember being on stage and they started calling out numbers in reverse order, and none of them were mine. Then they called out the runner up and people started cheering and screaming. I was still trying to process everything and then I broke out in tears. I went from so upset one moment, to so happy the next. I didn’t expect it at all and now I can say I have an All Ireland title!

H: That’s amazing! 

S: Thank you! And I was so proud to dance my first Parade of Champions. I never ever dreamt I could achieve something like that. Once I came off the stage everyone came to congratulate me and hug me, and that was when it hit me. I was like, “Hang on, I danced this competition showing my flat chest and tattoos — because we have to wear all black in the trad competition, and all I had was my solo pants and the short sleeved t-shirt I was wearing underneath my vest — and nobody cared.” It was just about dancing. It still feels very surreal. I’ve won a major title. It’s my first title as my real self, it can be done. It’s not about my identity, it’s just about dancing. Sometimes we give too much importance to things that shouldn’t have it.

H: That’s amazing. What a beautiful story. Has it given you confidence moving forward?

S: Yes, it’s given me a lot of drive. I’m like, “I’m gonna win a National title one day and I will make the podium at the Worlds.” I don’t care when, even if it’s years away from now.

H: I totally get that. In the Australian International Oireachtas this year, I came sixth by one point and it was for a similar reason. I was just so in my head about being different that I made a silly mistake in my trad set. So my goal is to get through the next Oireachtas being like, “It doesn’t matter that I’m trans. It doesn’t matter that I’m different. All that matters is that I love dancing, and I want to do well and I’m here to do well, and who cares what people think?” And then I’ll get up there and hopefully crack the top five.

S: And you will! We are our worst enemies sometimes. I believe that’s the reason why we’re making mistakes. Because of all of this being in our head it’s taking away from the dancing. That and being too focused on results, which isn’t healthy either. I’m trying to get past this mindset and just keep dancing for the love of it. 

Hayden Moon (he/they), 29, is based in Sydney, Australia and dances for The Kennedy School. Sil Cleary (they/them), 31, is from Barcelona, Catalonia but lives in Wicklow, Ireland and currently dances for Inishfree Academy in Dublin, Ireland.